Bloodrayne (film, 2008)


From Death Ray 14.

ONE STAR

2006/£15.99/90 minutes/18

Director: Uwe Boll

Writer: Guinevere Turner

Starring: Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, Ben Kingsley

Unforgivably awful computer game adaptation.

The vampire breeds sub-genres like dogs do fleas. A favourite is the historical (ish) epic – Underworld, Nightwatch, Van Helsing. Bloodrayne is cut from a similar, though far inferior, cloth.

Set in a Romania of indeterminate period, Bloodrayne is a lazy fantasy adventure where historical accuracy, drama and tension are happily ignored. The cast look like they are being paid by the minute to carry their toy swords across Medieval Europeland™, that theme park of low budget flicks just outside Bucharest.

An astoundingly grand cast – Billy Zane, Michael Madsen and Ben Kingsley –hand in performances that border on the bewildered, only Loken (of Terminator 3 fame) seems to be trying. Do I have to explain the plot? Loken is a Dhampyr, a half-vampire (um, like Blade) who kills vampires (er, like Blade) and is at war with her father, who needs a set of relics-to bring a vampire god back to life (hey, like in Blade).

Origin, exposition and betrayal are crammed into the pot, making it over-full, but only of computer game plot mush, desultorily stirred by self-proclaimed genius, Uwe Boll. Shockingly bad, and not in a fun way.

 Did you know…?

Bloodrayne received six award nominations, at the 2007 Razzies. Believe it or not, there is a sequel.

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