Today, I’m publishing my very first guest blog. That’s right, there are words here, but somebody else wrote them: Stephen Kozeniewski, to be precise. He’s appearing to tell you all about his new book, the blackly comic, P.I. noir, zombie novel (that’s a lot of genres), Braineater Jones. Check out that cover, pretty tasty, no?
I’m happy to accept guest posts, something I’d not thought about before Stephen approached me, so if anybody else out there has something they want to say, drop me a line either here or through Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or Goodreads, and provided it isn’t weird propaganda for way-out views, I’ll probably publish it. Anyway, without further ado (and without a drumroll, sorry about that), here’s Stephen.
Guy is famous for saying – in fact, I might even go so far as to call it his catchphrase – “Where would I be without goblins?”
Took the words right out of my mouth, Guy!
I’ve been a goblin fanatic (ha!) since I was twelve, way back in… er, well, let’s not get caught up in dates. This isn’t a history lesson, after all. And even as recently as this year, when my wife cuddled up to me by the fire and asked me what I wanted for Valentine’s Day, I think she already knew the answer: a Forest Goblin Big Boss riding a Gigantic Spider.
For that matter, on my birthday this past year, I also received a VERY special present from her. It was a rare novel of compelling power, not to mention the first Black Library novel to focus on greenskins, and not just ANY greenskin but the greatest Night Goblin warlord of all time (a dubious honor to be sure.) I refer of course to the inimitable and immortal Skarsnik. Sadly, I can’t seem to recall the author’s name.
My wife is, presumably, starting to wonder why she married me.
That being said, I’m not sure I can wholly subscribe to Guy’s philosophy in life because…and I hesitate to say this…I am a philistine. Yes, that’s right, I have betrayed the cardinal trust of the author of Skarsnik: I use Orcs in my army, too.
Sorry. I just love Black Orcs too much. (Except Grimgor. Screw that guy.) So, when it comes to a catchphrase/life philosophy, I’ve had to improvise, but I came up with this:
“Where would I be without zombies?”
Sad to say, I’ve never collected an Undead – or if you’re some kind of young whippersnapper, “Vampire Counts” – army. I did once buy a box of zombies, assemble them with great difficulty, prime them, then found myself for about the next 11 years unable to decide whether to attempt to paint them with blue faces (a la Dawn of the Dead) or in greytones (a la Night of the Living Dead.) So, unable to stop equivocating, I just sold them on eBay and bought more goblins. And now you know the rest of the story.
So, no, sadly, it is not because of any tabletop triumphs that I love the shambling dead. The real reason I wouldn’t be anywhere in life without zombies is because of a fellow named Braineater Jones. Ol’ Braineater has a special place in my heart because he is the main character of my first published novel, titled (appropriately enough) Braineater Jones.
Braineater is a zombie who wakes from the dead with a wicked case of amnesia. He sets out to solve his own murder in Prohibition-era America, with the added hurdle that he needs liquor to suppress his urges for sweet, sweet human flesh.
It’s a pretty fun little romp. I like to say it’s bloody enough to satisfy the real gorehound, but not so bloody it’ll turn off the casual reader. I hope you’ll consider checking it out. If you’re interested, you can purchase it in either paperback or e-book format on Amazon, or in e-book format on Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and iTunes. The links are all right here on my publisher’s page.
And so I’ll leave you with those immortal words stolen (mostly) from Guy Haley (and thanks so much, Guy, for letting me write this guest post):
“Where would I be without zombies?”